Why It Behooves You to Laugh: The Military’s Favorite Pretentious Buzzword

If you’ve ever been in uniform—or even just within 100 yards of a barracks—you’ve probably heard the word “behoove” used with the gravity of a four-star general giving a TED Talk. It’s in the briefings. It’s in the counseling sessions. It’s in the passive-aggressive email from your platoon sergeant. But where did it come from, and how did it become one of the most unintentionally hilarious words in the military vocabulary?

What Does “Behoove” Even Mean?

According to Merriam-Webster (and that one staff officer who memorized the definition just to flex), behoove means “to be necessary, proper, or advantageous.” In other words: You better do this, or else.

“It would behoove you to shut up and listen.”
— Every E6 who’s had enough for the day

The word comes from Old English behofian, meaning “to have need of.” And the irony? No one outside the military has used it seriously since powdered wigs were in fashion.

 

The Word Behoove and the United States Navy which thinks this word is funny

How the Military Made “Behoove” a Power Word

Military language is a weird cocktail of formality, intimidation, and leftover colonial English. That’s how we ended up with “defilade,” “sustainment,” and yes—behoove. It’s the word officers drop when they want to sound serious without yelling.

It’s also how they let you know you’re about to be voluntold for something deeply unpleasant.

“It would behoove you to clean the latrines like your career depends on it.”
— Your future re-enlistment counselor

Eventually, junior enlisted troops picked up on the absurdity and started using it sarcastically. You know the vibe: standing in formation, soaked in rain, muttering “It sure behooves me to be out here instead of asleep.”

A Drill Sergeant Yelling Behoove at a Private in Marine Corps Bootcamp Office Buzzword Dictionary

The Sarcastic Goldmine of Behoove


No one weaponizes sarcasm like a junior service member with nothing to lose and a full rucksack. That’s why Behoove became the unofficial joke of the barracks.

• “It behooves me to remember why I joined.”
• “It would behoove supply to give me literally one functioning flashlight.”
• “It behooves you to stop touching my Rip-Its.”

And now, the word has transcended active service and become part of veteran slang. It’s a punchline, a bonding ritual, and a reminder that military professionalism walks a fine line between inspirational and incredibly dumb.

The Behoove Starter Pack

Need to channel your inner salty sergeant or sarcastic lance corporal? It behooves you to start with strong coffee. Not just any coffee—Aerial Resupply Coffee. Built by veterans for those who know that caffeine isn’t optional—it’s doctrine.

Here’s the ARC lineup guaranteed to properly prepare you for the day ahead:

Lifeline Light Roast Coffee

🔥 Lifeline – Light Roast

Bright, crisp, and great for staying awake through another “mandatory” resilience training. Light roast, zero BS.

Firewatch Medium Roast Colombian Coffee

⚙️ Firewatch – Medium Roast

The only thing smoother than this roast is your ability to pretend you’re listening during a safety brief.

Spectre Dark Espresso Roast

☠️ Spectre – Dark Espresso Roast

Brew it so black it qualifies for night ops. Best consumed while questioning life choices.

MOAB Double Caffeinated Medium Robusta Roast

💣 MOAB – Double Caffeinated Roast

For when your body is awake, but your soul is still in CIF. Twice the caffeine, none of the regret.

15W40 Dark Italian Roast Whole Bean Coffee

🛢 15W40 – Dark Roast

Named for the hardest-working folks in the motor pool. Smoky, complex, and built to get sh*t done.

So Why Do We Love This Dumb Word?


Because it’s ours. Because it’s hilariously overused. Because at some point, every single one of us was on the receiving end of a “It would behoove you…” monologue right before getting smoked for something dumb—like breathing too loud in the motor pool.

And now? We wear it like a badge of honor. Or better yet, we drink from it.

☕ It Would Behoove You to Drink From This Mug



• Survived a full field brief without rolling their eyes.
• Been voluntold to do something “for the good of the unit.”
• Used sarcasm as their only form of therapy.


15 ounces of ceramic excellence. Bold Green-and-white design. And a daily reminder that, yes, it still behooves you to hydrate… with caffeine.

Whether it lives on your desk, in your barracks room, or gets “accidentally stolen” by your platoon sergeant, this mug tells the world one thing:

“I’ve been told to ‘behoove myself’ more times than I can count. Now I’m owning it.”
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It Behooves of you to drink this coffee

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Firewatch Medium Roast Colombian Coffee
Fire Watch Colombian Medium Roast
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Spectre Dark Espresso Roast
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15W40 Dark Italian Roast Whole Bean Coffee
15W40 Dark Italian Roast
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MOAB Double Caffeinated Medium Roast
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FAQs

The standard coffee-to-water ratio is 1:16 (1 gram of coffee for every 16 grams of water). For example, a 12-ounce cup (about 355 grams) would need approximately 22 grams of coffee. Adjust to your taste: 1:15 for stronger coffee or 1:17 for lighter brews.

Grind size directly impacts how water extracts flavor from coffee grounds. A grind too fine can result in over-extraction and bitterness, while a grind too coarse can lead to weak, under-extracted coffee. Match the grind to your brewing method:

  • French press: Coarse grind (like sea salt)
  • Drip coffee: Medium grind (like sand)
  • Espresso: Fine grind (like powdered sugar)

Bitterness can result from:

  • Water that’s too hot (above 205°F).
  • Brewing for too long.
  • Using too fine a grind for your brewing method.

To fix this, lower the water temperature, shorten your brew time, or switch to a coarser grind.

Store coffee in an airtight, opaque container like the Fellow Atmos Vacuum Canister. Keep it in a cool, dark place away from heat, light, and moisture. Avoid storing coffee in the fridge or freezer, as condensation can degrade the flavor.

Use a thermometer or a temperature-controlled kettle like the Fellow Stagg EKG Electric Kettle. The ideal brewing temperature is 195°F–205°F. If you don’t have a thermometer, let boiled water sit for 30 seconds before using it.

A burr grinder is strongly recommended for consistency. Burr grinders produce uniform grind sizes, which ensure even extraction and better-tasting coffee. Blade grinders, on the other hand, create uneven particles that can lead to inconsistent flavor.

For the best flavor, use beans within 2–3 weeks of roasting. Check the roast date when buying coffee. At Aerial Resupply Coffee, our beans are roasted in small batches to ensure maximum freshness when they reach your door.

Start with these three simple upgrades:

  1. Use freshly roasted, high-quality beans like MOAB Medium Roast.
  2. Invest in a burr grinder for precise grind sizes.
  3. Measure coffee and water with a digital scale to ensure consistent ratios.

The French press is a great starting point for beginners. It’s straightforward, requires minimal equipment, and delivers rich, full-bodied coffee. Pair it with a reliable burr grinder and a scale for consistent results.

At Aerial Resupply Coffee, every purchase helps support veterans, military spouses, and first responders. By choosing our coffee, you’re not just enjoying bold, flavorful blends—you’re contributing to a meaningful mission and honoring those who serve.