Marine Corps Drops ‘Violence of Action: Domestic Edition’
The Marine Corps has released FM 22-420: Violence of Action, Domestic Edition—an official doctrine covering bar fights, family BBQ disputes, and backyard pugil stick rules.
CAMP LEJEUNE, NC — In a bold move to maintain cultural dominance both on the battlefield and at Uncle Randy’s house, the United States Marine Corps has released an updated field manual titled FM 22-420 — Violence of Action, Volume II: Domestic Edition. This latest doctrine builds on the classic Marine ethos of “violence first, questions later” and brings it home—literally.
The manual provides standardized guidance for off-duty confrontations, covering scenarios that include:
• Barroom escalation protocols (“If someone touches your beer, you may initiate preemptive strikes.”)
• Parking lot posturing (Section 3.1: “Shirt removal as a sign of escalation is authorized but not mandatory.”)
• Family BBQ conflict resolution (“All disputes over cornhole rules will be settled via pugil sticks or a push-up contest. No exceptions.”)
Thanksgiving Tactical Considerations
Chapter 6 of the manual, Holiday Hostilities, offers clear directives on how to maintain Marine Corps standards while engaging with extended family members who “have opinions.” Legal disclaimers are provided for veterans prone to flashbacks when someone mentions “cranberry sauce is mid.”
A sidebar warns: “If a cousin from the Air Force attempts to lecture you about ‘emotional regulation,’ immediate extraction is authorized. Violence not recommended—but not prohibited.”
Training the Next Generation
In a controversial but unsurprising addition, the manual includes a new Pre-Deployment Homefront Training Plan, featuring backyard obstacle course blueprints, approved beer-can armor schematics, and instructions for crafting improvised pugil sticks using pool noodles and PVC.
According to sources at Training and Education Command, Marines will now be required to demonstrate “domestic readiness” prior to holiday block leave.
“The average Marine will encounter more psychological warfare at Thanksgiving than they will during a three-month UDP rotation,” said Lt. Col. Marquez, while duct-taping foam to a rattan stick. “We’re just giving them the tools they need to survive.”
Format and Distribution
FM 22-420 is available exclusively in laminated, beer-resistant format. The manual is designed to survive spilled drinks, chili stains, and minor grease fires. It fits neatly into a cargo pocket or can be zip-tied to a cooler.
Initial Feedback
Early reviews from the Fleet have been enthusiastic.
“Finally. A manual that understands the battlefield of the Applebee’s parking lot,” said Sgt. Maj. Travis “Beef” Dorn, who claims the appendix on chokeholds in Crocs saved his marriage.
“My mother-in-law won’t speak to me anymore,” said Lance Corporal Andrews. “Which means the manual is working exactly as intended.”
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